Episode 20

You might be wondering, "why is this post called 'Episode 20'?" Well, I was watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood recently and finished episode 20; it was so good that I felt that this episode alone warranted a post. So let's dive into things!

*Disclaimer: this post makes more sense if you have seen the show. You are more than welcome to continue reading past this point if you haven't but I will not take any responsibility if you feel that this awesome and worthwhile anime was spoiled for you. You have been warned.

The title alone gives me goosebumps...

Today, I want to speak to you a bit about spiritual baggage. Ever have that feeling that you have baggage in your spiritual life that you have hidden away: buried deep in the basement or hidden away in a box in the attic of your heart? It might be a habitual sin, it might be a past hurt, whatever it is that you're hiding, God cares about it and He cares about you.

But before I get to that, let me set the table for what I would like to impart upon you. In the Catholic Christian's spiritual life we acknowledge the existence of two fathers: God, the Father Almighty; and Satan, the father of lies. And, oh look, there are two father-like figures in FMA Brotherhood. It also just happens, that one father is the father of Ed and Al, our main protagonists, and the other is father to the homunculi (who are, btw, named after the seven deadly sins 😲. There is plenty I want to say about the father of the homunculi and their corresponding sin-names, but this is not the post where I will do that (stay tuned in the future for that!) ).

I want to first talk about Hohenheim, the father of Ed and Al. In particular, I want to examine the love that he has for his sons, and how that parallels the love that God has for us. So let me give you some backstory on Hohenheim (don't worry, I will try to avoid major spoilers if you still haven't watched it (which if you haven't, I still do not understand why not) ). Hohenheim is the father of Ed and Al, but he was not present in their lives growing up. While Ed and Al were very young, Hohenheim left them and his wife behind. Even when his wife passed away, he did not return. He did not return home until... episode 20, lol. As a result, Ed grew up not only very distant from him, but actually resenting him: blaming him for his mother's passing and bearing a grudge against him for all the subsequent misfortunes (talk about a broken relationship).

Whenever we have father figures in a show, I recommend that you listen closely because I find that what they say closely resembles the words that we would hear from our Heavenly Father (one of my favourites is Gandalf from LOTR, but let's save that for another time). So what is the topic of conversation between Hohenheim and Ed after all these years?

Oh...

"I heard from Pinako, about you performing human transmutation." Dang... he didn't waste any time mincing words. Straight to the deepest and darkest secret Ed has. Oh, but there's more! As the conversation continues, Hohenheim asks Ed about why he burned down his house (which I will leave to you to think about the spiritual significance of). Ed's reply is, "We did it to show our resolve."

Ouuu! Say it like it is!

"No you didn't. You didn't want to look at it. You wanted to escape from your unpleasant memories. You wanted to hide the traces of what you'd committed... Just like a child, hiding the sheets when he wets the bed, you ran away Edward."

Edward! 😭

Could he say words that are more cut throat and to the point than that, and after not seeing him for years to boot (at least he's honest)? I'm sure in your faith walk you have felt these same kind of "hurtful words" coming from God. Or, it may be the case that you are hearing these words right now. But, why? Why say something so cruel. You are supposed to be my loving Father, that means you're not supposed to be mean to me, or hurt me. Wrong! He does this because He loves!

If He did not chastise us for the times we refuse to do what we need to, what kind of love would that be? Wouldn't He just be watching us head down a road to self-destruction, a road farther away from Him? He loves us so much that He does not want us to run away from Him. He would gladly trade a temporary hurt for eternity with you.

But Alphonse, why does it hurt so much? This is the natural consequence of sin and the father of lies. When we sin, we have done that which is in direct opposition to God's will, to love itself. We were made to love, and so it is easy to understand why it hurts when we commit sin. But why does it continue to hurt when we hide away our sin and then bring it to light? Don't we hide them away so it won't hurt us? You know, out of sight, out of mind? Well, it is the father of lies who rubs salt into our wounds and sometimes, further opens our wounds. Sin leaves us wounded, but the father of lies tells us that our wounds are shameful, that we must hide them away. Rather than ever showing God and letting Him heal us, we hide it away saying, "God this part of me is not worthy of You." As a result, we feel shame and humiliation for our sin and in hiding it, we allow these feelings to grow and take root in our hearts: we run away. The Father, in good will and out of love, brings our sins to light; He calls us to face our fears and hurts.

1. We need to face our problems - Sometimes, we are like Ed and say that we have hidden away our sins and hurts "to show our resolve." God calls us out on our bluff. What we really want is "to run away." Things will not get better if we continue "to show our resolve" by running away, in fact, things will get worse... much worse. But worry not, God wants us to be courageous, and...
2. We are not alone! - We have a spiritual family who, when it feels like God is not there, are with us. For Ed, Pinako was there. Not only was she there to console him, but she got into the trenches to dig up his past with him (quite literally lol). When we feel the absence of God (or when we force Him to be absent), we need to acknowledge that we still have our spiritual family, and most importantly, that we still have our Mother, Mary, who will not leave us. She is there to help us shoulder our burdens and to get into the pit with us to dig up our past sins and hurts. 



Literally in the trenches to dig up his past...

3. Our blessings are not our own - Maybe you have felt the wonders of healing in your life in some way or another. It could be through reconciliation with a friend, the kind words of someone else, etc. The point is that after we face the darkness and fears that bog us down, God begins to heal us and we feel good because of it. But that's actually not the best part. The best part is that everyone can participate in the joy that comes from this healing. I won't spoil what happens for Ed when he digs up his past, but I will say that he begins to find healing. But it didn't stop there, Alphonse (not me, Alphonse Elric) also found healing and closure from the news (but Alphonse, me, did feel overjoyed to tears by this). Pinako and Winry felt happiness for Ed and Al. Upon sharing their findings with Izumi, their alchemy teacher, she also found healing. And because she found healing, her husband also felt great joy. The blessings that come from our healing actually aren't only meant for ourselves, they are meant for everyone to experience. 

Now, for Ed, this whole thing happened within a 20 minute episode of an anime. Our own healing will not be nearly as short (if only). In fact, it may take days, months, or even years. Don't be afraid to embark on this journey. Whatever is holding you down in the depths of your heart is worth confronting. You are worth the walk on the road to spiritual freedom and liberty. You are also not alone in this walk, we all must take on this walk. Pray for clarity and be brave in the face of your fears.

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

-Philippians 4:6

...And with that may God be praised!

The Importance of Community

Ever wonder why we rewatch some of our favourite movies or reread some of our favourite books? The places never change, the characters are still the same, and to top it off you already know what is going to happen. So why? Well, often when we revisit these movies, shows, books, etc. it is not what is before us that is changing, it is us that is changing. What I mean is that the reason that we enjoy these things when we revisit them is because we ourselves have grown a little more since the last time we saw it; life has done its wonders and bestowed us with a new set of "eyes". In other words, the way we see things is now different (the plain and simple way of saying it without all the fancy words and stuff).

Why is this important? Well personally, I believe that in order for entertainment (movies, video games, etc.) to not be considered a waste of time it has to be purposeful: it makes you think critically, you learn something new, you apply lessons you've learnt, etc. How can you make reliving a piece of literature meaningful? You have to look at it differently. You have to look at it intently. You have to look at it with the firm determination of seeing something that is there, that you didn't see before. Stories are beautiful because they are an expression of humanity. But what we sometimes forget is that stories are also made beautiful by the depth and richness of quality that they contain. If something is worth revisiting, it is worth looking at in a different way.

So now that I have set the table, I would like to share with you my experiences of a show that I am rewatching: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. FMAB is my favourite anime and I usually do an annual rewatch of this anime since like 2011 (you must be asking whether or not I must've absorbed everything there is to know in this show, the answer is, surprisingly, no I have not). Now I just started my rewatch of this show, and at the time of writing this post am only 3 episodes in (it's 64 episodes in total), but other than totally breaking down 7 minutes into the first episode because Hughes showed up (fans of the show will relate to my emotional break down), I already have found something that I didn't see before.

Queue the emotional breaking down

You see, this show is about two brothers who live in a world where alchemy is predominant. Alchemy in this world allows one to use energy as a means to transform/rearrange something on a chemical level. The main law that must be obeyed is that of equivalent exchange; to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. This allows an alchemist to transform various objects into something radically different and to use it for a different use.

Ed transmuted a spear from the ground

At the very young age of 12, these two brothers stumble into their father's study and learn how to do alchemy. In the same year when they made this great advancement, an epidemic hit their town and their mother passed away. Struck by grief these boys make the decision to use their new found alchemy to commit the greatest alchemic taboo: to resurrect the dead. Ultimately, when they attempt to do so, it doesn't work (surprise surprise). But just from having attempted this, these brothers fall victim to the law of equivalent exchange, the younger brother Alphonse (lol I share a name with him) loses his whole physical body, and the older brother Edward loses his left leg. Determined not to lose his brother forever, Ed uses alchemy again to trade his right arm for his brother's soul (don't even ask me how that is an equal trade, idk). And now these brothers having realized human transmutation is a bad idea have abandoned that goal and seek out a way to retrieve Ed's limbs and Al's body... Ok Alphonse, thanks for trying to sell the show to me (which if I did successfully, you should go and watch it), but what does this have to do with companionship and ultimately the Catholic Christian's way of life?

Recently, two prominent priests in my life have be reassigned to ministries that would take them far away. This means that they would be leaving the wonderful community that they built up behind. But one of the priests in his farewell speech exhorted us to value community; that in fact salvation is only ever received in a community. It was never intended for us to receive individually and in isolation. It was intended for all the people of God. Furthermore, we must concern ourselves with all of our neighbour's reception of salvation; we need to care for our neighbours. It was truly an eye opening and powerful message.

Ed and Al look so defeated

What is significant about Ed's story in particular, is that his story highlights the importance of a strong community in the life of a Catholic Christian. In his story, Ed was greeted by grief. He lost his mother. Someone who was so close to him, and at the age of 12 he probably couldn't even fathom the full reality and consequences of such a loss. Then, he made a bad decision to misuse his gifts (alchemy) in a way he knew that he wasn't supposed to. He decided to stray from the right path in pursuit of a desire far off in the distance. As he left his life behind he arrived at the pinnacle of his journey into the darkness and he paid greatly for it: he lost his left leg and right arm.

Now, in literature it is important for us to note the significance of such a loss. What is special about the arm is not its function but its members, specifically, the fingers as a part of the arm. Our fingers contain the uniqueness of who we are because our fingers prints are uniquely our own. Our legs serve a very simple function: they transport us. They physically aid us in walking from one point to another. They help us move forward. For Ed, he had completely lost who he was and his way to move forward.

Ooouuuu deep. Thank you thank you. But that's not where his story ends, far from it. Upon a visit from Colonel Mustang, Ed is offered hope in the form of an offer to become a state alchemist. This would allow him access to an immense amount of resources to conduct research of any kind, even research on how to retrieve his own limbs and Al's body. Inspired by this Ed asks his friend, Winry, and her grandma, Pinako (these are close family friends) to give him a prosthetic arm and leg that are both made of metal (in this world, these prosthetics are called automail). After doing the surgery, he pursues becoming a state alchemist.

Well... thats a pretty decent summary of the first two episodes if I do say so myself, but what did we learn? Well, a lot actually:

1. Grief will come - In this life, we are not guaranteed many things, but some of the things I think we are guaranteed is grief, struggling, hurt, pain, you get the point. We will essentially experience the natural consequences of original sin. Sometimes, however, we don't "take it like a champ"; sometimes we actually fall deeper and deeper into sin and despair. Then what?
2. Community is our lifeline to God - Let me first say that God is ever merciful; He loves us, and readily makes Himself available and accessible to us; the fault lies with us and our brokenness. But in those times that we have strayed so far from God that we can't see Him, what do we do? When it seems like God is on one end of the spectrum and we somehow have travelled to the very opposite end, what do we do?  Well, there are also others who are journeying, or who have journeyed along the journey of life. These people can be our intermediaries to God; through them we can still see and experience Christ. The easiest to identify examples of these are the saints, but you know, living in the fallen physical world, it is sometimes hard for us to really connect with them (again the fault lies with us and our broken nature). But good news, there are people who are closer to us who can be like Christ to us: our brothers and sisters! Winry, Pinako, Al, Mustang were all a part of Ed's community. In fact, they gave him what he had lost: an arm and a leg (lol). But more importantly, they helped him remember who he was (he got his identity back), and they gave him a way to move forward (he got a leg).

   

   They're so kawaii =')

3. We are not meant to be on life support from our community forever - In fact, we are meant to also, at times, be the doctors supporting others in our community. But that aside, I want to make sure to point out that while Ed was reminded of who he was by those around him, he has to claim his identity for himself; he has to embark on his journey of self-discovery. While he was given a leg to walk on; he and those around him don't undermine the importance of getting back up onto his own legs one day. These prosthetics, while functionally do the job, they are not naturally compatible with him. Community can be our lifeline to God, but we are not meant to be on life support forever, God calls us to a state of life better than that.

"As Catholic Christians we are called into community. Ultimately, even in heaven, we are called into community: a communion of saints. Life is difficult but do not forget your friends. Sometimes the struggle may be to stay within your community. To that I say, struggle. It is well worth the struggle if you can keep close to you those friends who will keep you close to God. If you're at a point in your life where you don't have that kind of community around you, it's time to find one. It's time to step out of the darkness and bask in the light of Christ through our brothers and sisters." (kinda paraphrased from Father Carlos...)

...And with that, may God be praised!

P.S. If you enjoy Fullmetal Alchemist and you liked this post then stay tuned! I definitely hope to be able to write more about this anime as I rewatch it!