Episode 20

You might be wondering, "why is this post called 'Episode 20'?" Well, I was watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood recently and finished episode 20; it was so good that I felt that this episode alone warranted a post. So let's dive into things!

*Disclaimer: this post makes more sense if you have seen the show. You are more than welcome to continue reading past this point if you haven't but I will not take any responsibility if you feel that this awesome and worthwhile anime was spoiled for you. You have been warned.

The title alone gives me goosebumps...

Today, I want to speak to you a bit about spiritual baggage. Ever have that feeling that you have baggage in your spiritual life that you have hidden away: buried deep in the basement or hidden away in a box in the attic of your heart? It might be a habitual sin, it might be a past hurt, whatever it is that you're hiding, God cares about it and He cares about you.

But before I get to that, let me set the table for what I would like to impart upon you. In the Catholic Christian's spiritual life we acknowledge the existence of two fathers: God, the Father Almighty; and Satan, the father of lies. And, oh look, there are two father-like figures in FMA Brotherhood. It also just happens, that one father is the father of Ed and Al, our main protagonists, and the other is father to the homunculi (who are, btw, named after the seven deadly sins 😲. There is plenty I want to say about the father of the homunculi and their corresponding sin-names, but this is not the post where I will do that (stay tuned in the future for that!) ).

I want to first talk about Hohenheim, the father of Ed and Al. In particular, I want to examine the love that he has for his sons, and how that parallels the love that God has for us. So let me give you some backstory on Hohenheim (don't worry, I will try to avoid major spoilers if you still haven't watched it (which if you haven't, I still do not understand why not) ). Hohenheim is the father of Ed and Al, but he was not present in their lives growing up. While Ed and Al were very young, Hohenheim left them and his wife behind. Even when his wife passed away, he did not return. He did not return home until... episode 20, lol. As a result, Ed grew up not only very distant from him, but actually resenting him: blaming him for his mother's passing and bearing a grudge against him for all the subsequent misfortunes (talk about a broken relationship).

Whenever we have father figures in a show, I recommend that you listen closely because I find that what they say closely resembles the words that we would hear from our Heavenly Father (one of my favourites is Gandalf from LOTR, but let's save that for another time). So what is the topic of conversation between Hohenheim and Ed after all these years?

Oh...

"I heard from Pinako, about you performing human transmutation." Dang... he didn't waste any time mincing words. Straight to the deepest and darkest secret Ed has. Oh, but there's more! As the conversation continues, Hohenheim asks Ed about why he burned down his house (which I will leave to you to think about the spiritual significance of). Ed's reply is, "We did it to show our resolve."

Ouuu! Say it like it is!

"No you didn't. You didn't want to look at it. You wanted to escape from your unpleasant memories. You wanted to hide the traces of what you'd committed... Just like a child, hiding the sheets when he wets the bed, you ran away Edward."

Edward! 😭

Could he say words that are more cut throat and to the point than that, and after not seeing him for years to boot (at least he's honest)? I'm sure in your faith walk you have felt these same kind of "hurtful words" coming from God. Or, it may be the case that you are hearing these words right now. But, why? Why say something so cruel. You are supposed to be my loving Father, that means you're not supposed to be mean to me, or hurt me. Wrong! He does this because He loves!

If He did not chastise us for the times we refuse to do what we need to, what kind of love would that be? Wouldn't He just be watching us head down a road to self-destruction, a road farther away from Him? He loves us so much that He does not want us to run away from Him. He would gladly trade a temporary hurt for eternity with you.

But Alphonse, why does it hurt so much? This is the natural consequence of sin and the father of lies. When we sin, we have done that which is in direct opposition to God's will, to love itself. We were made to love, and so it is easy to understand why it hurts when we commit sin. But why does it continue to hurt when we hide away our sin and then bring it to light? Don't we hide them away so it won't hurt us? You know, out of sight, out of mind? Well, it is the father of lies who rubs salt into our wounds and sometimes, further opens our wounds. Sin leaves us wounded, but the father of lies tells us that our wounds are shameful, that we must hide them away. Rather than ever showing God and letting Him heal us, we hide it away saying, "God this part of me is not worthy of You." As a result, we feel shame and humiliation for our sin and in hiding it, we allow these feelings to grow and take root in our hearts: we run away. The Father, in good will and out of love, brings our sins to light; He calls us to face our fears and hurts.

1. We need to face our problems - Sometimes, we are like Ed and say that we have hidden away our sins and hurts "to show our resolve." God calls us out on our bluff. What we really want is "to run away." Things will not get better if we continue "to show our resolve" by running away, in fact, things will get worse... much worse. But worry not, God wants us to be courageous, and...
2. We are not alone! - We have a spiritual family who, when it feels like God is not there, are with us. For Ed, Pinako was there. Not only was she there to console him, but she got into the trenches to dig up his past with him (quite literally lol). When we feel the absence of God (or when we force Him to be absent), we need to acknowledge that we still have our spiritual family, and most importantly, that we still have our Mother, Mary, who will not leave us. She is there to help us shoulder our burdens and to get into the pit with us to dig up our past sins and hurts. 



Literally in the trenches to dig up his past...

3. Our blessings are not our own - Maybe you have felt the wonders of healing in your life in some way or another. It could be through reconciliation with a friend, the kind words of someone else, etc. The point is that after we face the darkness and fears that bog us down, God begins to heal us and we feel good because of it. But that's actually not the best part. The best part is that everyone can participate in the joy that comes from this healing. I won't spoil what happens for Ed when he digs up his past, but I will say that he begins to find healing. But it didn't stop there, Alphonse (not me, Alphonse Elric) also found healing and closure from the news (but Alphonse, me, did feel overjoyed to tears by this). Pinako and Winry felt happiness for Ed and Al. Upon sharing their findings with Izumi, their alchemy teacher, she also found healing. And because she found healing, her husband also felt great joy. The blessings that come from our healing actually aren't only meant for ourselves, they are meant for everyone to experience. 

Now, for Ed, this whole thing happened within a 20 minute episode of an anime. Our own healing will not be nearly as short (if only). In fact, it may take days, months, or even years. Don't be afraid to embark on this journey. Whatever is holding you down in the depths of your heart is worth confronting. You are worth the walk on the road to spiritual freedom and liberty. You are also not alone in this walk, we all must take on this walk. Pray for clarity and be brave in the face of your fears.

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

-Philippians 4:6

...And with that may God be praised!